Tag Archives: I Don’t Love NY

101 Things I Won’t Miss About NYC

i-love-NY-banksy

1. Fearless rats the size of cats
2. Flying cockroaches
3. Screaming people
4. Dog shit sidewalks
5. Piss puddles
6. Taxi driver funk
7. Piles of hot smelly garbage
8. The mélange of disgusting street smells
9. Deafening sirens
10. Absurdly high rent for teeny tiny apartments
11. How expensive everything is
12. Wall Street arrogance
13. Entitled NYU students
14. Watching NYU execute their 2030 plan to dominate + destroy the Village
15. Being threatened by my nosy landlady
16. The bitchy people I’ve sublet apartments from
17. Not having hot water or heat for days
18. Climbing 5 flights of stairs to my apartment every day
19. Bad water pressure
20. Living with other people’s ugly furniture
21. The smells in the hallway
22. My neighbors slamming their doors
23. My various jobs
24. Always swimming upstream
25. Hustling 24/7
26. Fearing for my safety
27. Lack of personal space
28. The overwhelming desire to flee the city and knowing I can’t
29. “Bag lady syndrome” (i.e. carrying 20 lbs. of crap around with you all day)
30. Dragging my laundry 4 blocks to the closest dirty Laundromat
31. 5+ months of freezing cold winter
32. Dripping with sweat on humid summer days
33. Blizzards and hurricanes
34. An over abundance of beards
35. The urban lumberjack look
36. The Greenwich Village Halloween Parade
37. St. Patrick’s Day drunk-a-palooza
38. The non-stop party
39. Angry drunk fucks
40. Dumb drunk chicks who can’t walk in their high heels
41. Dumb drunk identical jocks who roam in packs
42. People passed out on the street with their pants down
43. A culture that revolves around alcohol
44. Puke puddles
45. The unmistakable stench of death
46. Crusty punks and their poor dogs
47. Walking up the subway stairs behind guys with saggy ass jeans
48. Tourists who block the sidewalk
49. Feeling lonely in a crowd of people
50. Subway train claustrophobia
51. The looks on people’s faces commuting to/from work
52. Being forced to listen to people’s boring cell phone conversations
53. People who do extremely inappropriate things on the subway
54. Being stuck inside subway train
55. Gropers
56. Wanting to pass out in the subway station due to heat/smell on a hot day
57. Waiting for buses that never come on schedule
58. Rude bus drivers who refuse to let you on after they’ve closed the door
59. Not having money left on my Metrocard when I go to get on the bus
60. The MTA
61. The NYPD
62. Mayor Bloomberg
63. ConEd
64. Time Warner Cable
65. The opening of yet another Subway, 7-11, and Duane Reade
66. The slow gentrification and de-personalization of neighborhoods
67. Ben Shaoul’s destruction of the Village/Lower Manhattan
68. Realizing another beloved place has gone out of business
69. The desperation in the air
70. Seeing other people cry in public
71. No longer giving a shit if people see me cry in public
72. The woman who screams “JOEY!” at the top of her lungs
73. That horrible dog who barks like he’s being strangled
74. Being asked for money every five feet
75. Flippant beggar signs
76. Rampant racism
77. An abundance of inconsiderate assholes
78. Being chased down the street by crazy freaks
79. The risk of being robbed for my iPhone again
80. Daily stories about people dying from being hit by the train
81. Daily stories about people being murdered where I just was
82. Unfathomable fatigue
83. Workaholic men with too many options
84. Annoying “salon deal” salespeople who insinuate your hair looks awful
85. People who insist on talking to you when you’re wearing earbuds
86. Crowds that make you want to kill someone (or yourself)
87. Slow walkers
88. Clueless tourists with their maps and big cameras
89. People who can’t seem walk and talk at the same time
90. People who take pictures of squirrels in the park
91. Fighting the hoards while shopping at Trader Joe’s on 14th St
92. The black soot on my feet after wearing sandals all day
93. Bed bug phobia
94. Random blood stains
95. The queasy feeling I get around Ground Zero of the WTC
96. The fishy smell of Chinatown
97. Waiting an hour and half for a table
98. Spending $80 for dinner and leaving hungry
99. Snooty wait staff at overpriced restaurants
100. The state of most public restrooms
101. That nagging feeling I don’t belong here

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